This is not my year, cinematically speaking
So.

A History of Violence.

Anyone want to tell me why, exactly, this didn't go straight to video? And why? exactly? William Hurt got nominated for an Oscar as Viggo's wooden brother Cliche? Were there that few movies released last year? WHAT MOVIE WERE YOU PEOPLE WATCHING? Anyone? Anyone?

Perhaps the most hideously painful experience in my recent history, that was. I thought King Arthur was bad. Wooden family, with hideously smug angelic child, annoying teen, and zombie-like anorexic wife, all bones and dead complexion. Dialogue consisting of triteness after triteness, hobblingly pretending to be all Deeply Moving and Revealing. Mr. Mortensen doing something I entirely didn't want to watch for however many HOURS of my life.

And worst movie sex I have ever seen. Lovingly lingered over by the camera. For LONG LONG LONG MINUTES! No discreet cuts, no fade to black -- NO, they make me watch every squirming ghastly uncomfortable minute of it, bony ugly wench and stiff (and not in the good way) nasty man uttering stiff supposedly romantic words.... "I remember when I first realised you were in love with me..." -- what? How sweet.

You know it's bad when someone gets his face blown off (again, lovingly worked over by the camera) and the entire theatre sniggers.

That was simply appallingly, unredeemably ghastly.