I win some, I lose some
This morning, I found my favourite ring. I'm so happy. It's a beautiful chunky silver thing, with a cabochon stone of the finest moss agate I've ever seen, and it was given to me by my best-beloved friend.

I lost it a couple of months ago, and I've been looking for it in likely and unlikely places ever since. Then today, I dropped an earring, and it rolled away under a dresser. I looked under to find it, and there, right against the wall, was my ring.

Then the bookstore called, to say that the pocket-sized Universal Waite tarot deck I've been waiting for forever had finally come in. The deck was supposed to be released in February... then it was delayed till May... then it didn't exist after all... then it appeared on Amazon and was declared "sold out" practically in one moment... and now it's mine.

But -- I took off tonight to pick up A. at work, and thought, "hm, I don't think Grishilde ought to be pulling to the right in quite that dramatic a way," got out to check, and discovered that the front driver's side tire was very nearly on the rim. It is now full of Gunk, and appears to be holding, but she will not be going on any highways until she gets new front tires. (The other tire went flat some time ago, and is currently the spare.) Poor Grishilde*. Not to mention, the oil leak which the garage claimed to have fixed is still leaking, and I must get her back before the three-month warranty expires.

Today's eating tallies to 1455 calories. 149g protein; 118g carbs (22g fibre); 30g fat.

For dinner, I had kohlrabi hash browns again, with 2 tablespoons of soy protein sticking them together, and half a lemon oatcake with a nice thick lemony frosting of two tablespoons of Quark, lemon juice and Jello pudding powder on top. Mm! dinner and dessert!

Then, after coming home, I was starving (which always happens after I "bonk" like that) and made up one of my gooey messes, flax fibre, soymilk and half a scoop of protein powder, a teaspoon of lemon fish oil, and the other half of the lemon Jello. (How lemony my day has been.) It looked very dubious, but with a mug of green tea it did the trick, and least I don't feel as though I could eat the cats raw now.

*Grishilde is my dream car, a silver Volvo 240.

Is this the afterlife? It's not quite what I expected
Well, my children, I am pleased (is that the word? Sure... 'pleased') pleased to announce that I have just now depleted my entire system of resources.

Today's workout: Back, Traps and Calves. It is still Power Week. Rests today were generally around three minutes.

Deadlifts, short Olympic bar
WU 50lbs x6
Work 140lbs x7, 7, 6
Notes: I added one more rep instead of adding weight, since I have the feeling my form will suffer if I try, and if there's anything I don't want to do, it's pop a disk doing deadlifts. So there I was, pulled the 6th on the third set. It was hard, but not overwhelmingly harder than any of the others... set the bar down, and it was as though someone removed a plug at the base of my Achilles tendon, and every bit of energy I possessed ran out into the earth. I couldn't even attempt the last; it was kind of a struggle just standing up again. After that point, of course, everything more or less passed in a blur of nastiness. I think the problem was that it was too long after my last meal.

Wide Grip Chins
b/w, using lat pull bar slung between beams
1+ 5neg, 1+ 4 good neg+ 1 lousy neg, 1+ 3neg
Notes: eugh.

Bent-over Barbell Row, short Olympic bar
WU 30lbs x6
Work 50lbs x6, 6, 6, 5
Notes: Again, added a set here rather than adding weight, as I want to keep my form halfway good. Again, in last set, hit an absolute wall on the last attempted rep, and could barely wrangle the bar back onto the rack.

Close-Grip Seated Row
WU 50lb x6
Work 90lb x6, 6
Notes: Oddly, in this one, the first set was crap, and the second not bad.

Barbell Shrug, short Olympic
Work 80lb x8, 6, 8
Notes: I had noble plans to do this without straps, instead of increasing weight. Hence the '6' -- my grip failed. The last set, with straps, was dead easy.

Calf Raise, seated, 90lbs of plates in my lap
Superset: 15 parallel+20 pulses, 15 toe-in+20 pulses
Notes: none, except that there has got to be a better way for the hapless home trainer with minimal equipment to work calves when her heavy partner isn't around to sit on her knees.

Then, practicing for the next stage of nastiness, I went out to run sprints down the football field at the school at the end of the street. Yes, though my central nervous system protested and my glycogen was glycogone.

I remember doing this during the Rock Hard Challenge, and, what's more, I remember doing it fasted, in the mornings. I think at that time I was just more used to starvation. Ugh. Jog to the school; ten sprints down the field (jogging back each time).

Total lifting time 55 minutes, plus however long I dragged myself round the schoolyard.

Then home to die. Except the pissing phone kept ringing. There I was, trying to mix up a protein shake and cook some friggin' pancakes, the phone is ringing -- "Hello, is this the lady of the house?" (lucky that I did not respond as I truly wished, or they'd've known for sure and certain it wasn't); the dog is licking me and butting his head at my quaking legs, the cats are twisting in and out underfoot because they've decided that since I'm eating, it's suppertime.

I fed them, and finally got to eat. I'm still waiting for my blood sugar to rise from the depths. Protein shake with glutamine, lemon juice/vinegar, 1/4 scoop Bob's 10-grain pancake mix (mixed up with water and a bit of egg sub, but I added a bunch of nutmeg), 1 tablespoon sugar-free jam, and a thin sauce of Jello pudding powder and soymilk. And it was good. I wished there was more.

You know it's good if it turns the milk pink
Weight this morning: 129.5 pounds. Temperature 97.5?F.

A. stayed at his mother's house last night, so it was just me and the beasts. I don't think I moved all night; I was pinned to the bed by something furry at every turn.

For some reason, I feel a little peaked today, a little unhappy in the midriff region, a lot tired. I just finished a large black coffee, but it didn't help much. I'm about to try a litre of water instead.

Aired out the cobwebs with a brisk walk this morn with the dog. We were going up the railway line near my house, heading home, and he was off the lead (bad, I know, but it makes him happy, and lets us practice our untethered "Come here!"s and "Sit right now!"s). Anyway, I was well behind him (in dark clothing) and he was wading through the tall weeds (dark dog). A lone early-rising (or unsleeping) fella hove into view at the other end of the trail and came towards us, looking at the ground as he walked.

Then Onyx came bounding out of the grass at his feet, all big grins and indecent energy (for 5:10 a.m., certainly). I saw at least a foot of air under the poor guy's shoes as shock shot him off the ground; fortunately, Onyx came to me immediately when I called him.

Still, the only response my morning acquaintance gave to my regretful apology was a sidelong glare of resentment as he passed us indignantly by.

I then came home, and had breakfast. 1/4 cup 8-grain cereal, with artificial strawberry extract, a bit of almond syrup and 2 tablespoons soymilk; 1 cup egg substitute with 2 tablespoons of salsa, and green tea. The cereal was a blinding hot pink. That strawberry extract is, um, unusual stuff.

Meals two and three are packed and waiting. Two consists of a cup of egg substitute cooked into a frittata with mushrooms, onion, roasted pepper, a tablespoon of ground flaxseed, and tomato-basil Mrs. Dash; three is a tub of Romaine, with grape tomatoes, Vidalia onion, fresh red pepper and jalapenos, plus 3.75 ounces of chicken and a creamy tofu-mayo dressing.

I'm supposed to do deadlifts today. The thought is not an attractive one in my current state.

What I wouldn't do for a really NICE dessert right now
I tell you. Cake, in layers, perhaps, with a lot of terribly excellent chocolate in it. Tiramisu. Perhaps something with figs and mascarpone... or something with marzipan. I was doing the dishes, watching couples stroll by romantically eating things in seductive DQ cups, and I envied them their happiness. Not their no doubt rambunctious sex lives, but their ice cream.

What am I eating? Lemon sugar-free Jello chunks stirred into a mixture of a half-scoop vanilla protein powder and Jello pudding, thank you. It is post-workout.

Workout today was abs, and I did the following, in a circuit fashion:
Dragon flags x5
Cable crunches, 40lbs x10
Swiss ball crunches, 25lbs x10
Dragon flags x5
Cable crunches, 45lbs x10
Swiss ball crunches, 25lbs x 10
Half dragon flags (go down halfway, lift up again) x8
Cable crunches 45 lbs x7(pause) x 4
Swiss ball crunches, 35lbs x10

I have also eaten (meal four) a lemony oatcake with a tablespoon of sugar-free jam scraped thinly on top; and (meal five) ostrich loaf (5 oz ostrich whizzed in food processor, 1/4 cup soaked Fiber One, Italian-style herby things and garlic, tomato paste), kohlrabi/onion hash-brown type things, and one bite of steamed kohlrabi greens (mmm, leather).

So much for ostrich, anyway. It's all right, but definitely not All That. Bison, on the other hand, is All That, and so is elk. So, for that matter, is chicken. On the other hand, I am delighted to discover that kohlrabi is in fact yummy. It is good in hash browns, and it is good raw -- crispy, with a nice bite. It's my mother's favourite vegetable, but I never really took to it before. The greens might be good perhaps cooked as they do down South, hours and hours in a lot of lard, but steamed (and I steamed them a long time, too, thinking they appeared rather 'collardy') they are not my thing.

The total: 1362 calories
146g protein; 110g carbs (33g fibre); 28g fat.

I'll have the pain, with a side of pain, please
Today's weight: 132 pounds. Today's temperature: 97.0?F

How depressing.

"Hello? The fat cells please... Kids, we're on a tight deadline here. Let's just have consistent departures, no returns."

It's not significant, of course; my weight can fluctuate up to three or four pounds up or down in a day. Could be anything: too much water, too little water, insufficient, shall we say, eliminations... nonetheless, it is discouraging. One and a half to two pounds a week, that is the target at hand. Let's get cracking!

This morning, the long-anticipated slope running.

It is certainly obvious that I have been focussing on lifting rather than cardio of late. Oof ugh. Ow. Five in the morning, A. and me and the dog, off to the ski hill.

I walked briskly up the first time, mostly because it was still pitch dark and I wanted to be sure that there were no new pits or gullies in the worn little path up the hill. Then ran up the next two. Pant pant. For the last bit, the grade gets suddenly much steeper, so you sort of stop running, and do a slow-motion kind of hop from foot to foot up to the crest (the dog weaving back and forth in front of you, nose pressed to the ground to capture the fascinating scents of voles and shrews and midnight bunnies -- out of the way, dog!). It's a bit like being the Bionic Woman, only with more sweat.

I did this fairly regularly last year, and I used to do a comparatively breezy half-dozen runs up the hill.

Needs work.

Meal one: 1 cup egg substitute with dill and a bit of nutritional yeast; 1/4 cup 8-grain cereal with caramel sugar-free syrup and butter sprinkles.

Meal two: 1 cup egg substitute, baked into a pancake with 1/4 cup pumpkin, 1 tablespoon each flax seed and flax fibre. Topped with tofu cream and more sugar-free syrup (the "pancake" flavour this time).

Meal three: the other half of yesterday's elk stir-fry, with some rice vinegar added in, and a large dish of Romaine to go under it.

It is now raining, in large cold drops.

"A relaxed mind is a creative mind."
I like to drink Yogi Tea. Not only is it very good (all the flavours that I've tried) but each and every little tag on the bag has a different Snippet o' Wisdom.

That was today's, on a bag of Cocoa Spice. It's brewing aromatically now.

Plan? IS there a plan?
Surprisingly enough, considering this is me, there is.

And I am off the mark of it today. Total calories: 1537. 192g protein; 129g carbs (26g fibre); 26g fat.

Damn Tuesday. I ate early because of the meeting... then I worked a bit late, and had too much dinner (3.5 oz elk stir-fried with peppers, onions, ginger, garlic, and Braggs; broccolini with teriyaki sauce; pumpkin, 1/4 cup Quark, and Da Vinci syrup for dessert)... then because my eating schedule was off, I was starving, and decided to have a sixth meal even though it would throw the numbers: protein shake, mixed with flax fibre and Udo's, frozen in the ice-cream maker.

Anyway. What was I saying? Plan, yes.

There isn't much concrete to go on in the way of diets specific to bodybuilding -- in the way of formal research, at any rate. Most diet, and even exercise, research is done with regular volunteer-type people -- not necessarily particularly fit. There's plenty of anecdotal research -- from other bodybuilders -- but you never know, from that (or from published material in magazines) whether the person in question has a little extra chemical help.

So, what I'm doing is a composite: from reading around here and there, and all the crap I've done on my own, including the previous show. Goodness knows, noting and observing my own diet for the last, what, four years? has got to be good for something.

I wasn't lean enough last time (of course, that may also have something to do with the fact that I completely messed up that crucial last week). I started off too slowly, with only a minor caloric deficit. I then switched over to carb cycling, according to Tom Venuto's magnum opus, Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle. Most of what you'll find on the web about this is typical cheesy hype, but in point of fact, the book is pretty solid.

Venuto's version of carb cycling is moderate carbs for three days, followed by a higher carb day. This worked very well for me; I was losing fat and actually gaining muscle, with only a very small weight loss.

However, I wanted to enter the lightweights, and felt that I wasn't losing weight fast enough. (In hindsight, I might have been fine in the event.) So I went lower carb -- no carb (except for fibrous vegetables) days, and moderate carb days. And that was a mistake. Not only did I feel awful, but I began losing muscle -- not the way to go. And I gained a lot of fat right after the show. I made the weight limit -- but big deal.

So that tells me one thing: that plans such as Beverly International, or a cyclical ketogenic diet, probably aren't for me. In point of fact, the CKD is out for more than that reason; others have observed that the carbohydrate refeeds of the CKD tend to aggravate any tendencies to binging -- which I have, because of a slight difficulty with blood sugar balance. I'd probably lose fat on either one, true, but the health and comfort consequences aren't a good trade-off.

I've also learned that the nutrition principles espoused by John Berardi appear to be true of my metabolism; I tend to gain fat when I combine carbohydrate and fat in a meal. Splitting meals into protein/fat or protein/carb, and avoiding protein/carb near bedtime, encourages my fat to make an exit. Again, some argue that he has no scientific basis for his theories, and I don't know enough to say one way or another -- all I can say is that my own observations support it in my case.

This woman's pre-contest diet post has also featured heavily in my reading rotation, as I scratched out my plan. Again, from what I know of my own reactions, it makes sense; and psychologically, I like the idea of taking it "backwards", as it were; dropping calories fairly drastically at the beginning, then raising them again as the press of cardio and lifting gets more intense closer to the show. Last round was a constant and ever-increasing drain on me.

As for the specifics, I suppose I "should" do what most competitors do: lay out a menu plan, same foods every day in a ceaseless round. At least that way I'd always know I'd hit my goal. (I really ought to take the time every night at least to plan out the following day, but haven't quite managed that yet.) However, most of 'em then go forth and binge (as I did) after the contest, and then gain weight in the off-season. Not fun, and not good for you, really, either.

And plus, this is three months of my life. Even for the sake of standing on stage in scanty Lycra velvet, I don't want to spend three months of my life hating every mouthful that I eat. And, truthfully, I know from even older experience, that I can stand any kind of deprivation except sensory. Smaller portions? A bit of hungry discomfort? Fine, but make it interesting.

Thus, I am keeping some things which some competitors might dump straight off. Seasonings. Splenda. The occasional diet pop. Other things, like fruit (which you will notice does feature in the Beverly plan -- and very often in CKDs as well, albeit in very small amounts -- "three strawberries") I am mostly cutting out, simply because I noticed last time that I didn't seem to respond to it very well. I'm still eating a bit of low glycemic index fruit (primarily berries) just for antioxidants, but I'm keeping it to the mornings.

On the other hand, I have not cut out sodium this time. Last round, I got very tense about sodium, even going so far as to make my own low-sodium salsa; then I sodium-loaded just before the show. This had the advantage of making me drop a whole lot of water weight right at the beginning of my diet (very cheering). The disadvantage was that my food was boring as fuck, and I was living off hot peppers with a bit of chicken added as a condiment. While this may have served to boost metabolism (and there are plenty of chiles going down my maw now) I think it screwed the sodium load a bit. And, well, it was boring as fuck. So, I've tried to cut back on the salt shaker a little bit, but I'm not getting crazy. (Which may at any rate mean that the two or possibly three pounds which have already departed are real, genuine adipose pounds. One can hope.)

That is the plan, at present, dietarily speaking, along with a solid program of lifting and a modest beginning level of three days a week of cardio. (Which is going to be going up, fairly shortly. Although last time, I never managed more than five days a week. There don't seem to be enough hours in the day to lift regularly, do cardio and, you know, work and sleep and make the Healthy Cutting Meals.)

And we'll see how it goes. This is now one of my tools: something to which I can refer. I'll learn a few new things this time round, and use them next time, if there is a next time.

Lusting for lemon
My reader has requested (hi, reader!) the recipe for Lemon Lust Squares.

There is a story behind these. A friend of mine used to get them from a bakery in Stratford, and they were addictive things. The ones from the bakery were huge, of course, and absolutely chock-full of coconut goodness. Then, the bakery changed hands. The Lemon Lust Squares first became not so good, then vanished from their showcase entirely, and sounds of mourning were heard across Southern Ontario.

So I went in search of a replacement. I found recipes for lemon squares in plenitude, but nothing that sounded quite so full of coconutty goodness. Then, in the Better Homes and Gardens Homemade Cookies book (which appears to be out of print) I discovered a recipe for Orange Coconut Bars which sounded about right.

It was right. Last weekend's version was very good, if slightly different. I realised too late that I was nearly out of shredded coconut -- I only had enough for the crust. Fortunately, my freezer yielded a bag of coconut flakes. A. liked them better; I think I like the shreds better, as they're more macaroon-ish that way.

Lemon Coconut Bars

Crust
1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour, or all-purpose flour
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup unsalted butter
1/2 cup unsweetened coconut meat -- shredded
1/4 teaspoon salt
Filling
2 large eggs
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon lemon zest -- freshly grated (about 1 lemon's worth)
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice -- (from the same lemon)
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup unsweetened coconut meat -- shredded

To make the crust:
Line an 8x8" baking pan with parchment or foil, and spray with cooking spray. (You can just spray, or grease and flour, the pan, but if you line a pan for squares -- with a strip the width of the pan -- and leave an inch or so at either end, then you simply lift the bars right up out of the pan for cutting on their foil or parchment "sling".) Preheat the oven to 350F. In a medium-sized bowl, combine the flour and sugar. Cut or rub in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in the coconut. Press mixture into prepared pan, and bake 15-20 minutes, until golden.

To make the filling:
While the crust bakes, in another medium-sized bowl, combine eggs, sugar, flour, lemon zest, lemon juice and baking powder. Beat with an electric mixer or whisk until well combined. Stir in the coconut, and pour the mixture over the baked crust. Bake another 20 minutes, or until edges are light brown and centre is set.

Cool completely in the pan on a wire rack. Cut into bars, and store refrigerated.

Mm, lemon squares. I think I'll have to make my next batch of oatcakes lemony.

Might as well carry a fridge
Today's weight: 130 pounds. Temperature: 97.4?F

Tuesdays. Tuesdays are a "long" day at work; usually I come in very early, and leave early too, leaving me the whole afternoon for lifting and things. Tuesdays, though, there's an afternoon meeting I can't miss, so I have to pack up an entire day's worth of food (and not lift that day, unless I want to do it at night -- which I don't care for so much).

I do have a little bit of extra time in the mornings, though. So I had pancakes for breakfast, mixed up with Quark and egg sub in the batter, more Quark with protein powder on top and a bit of sugar-free jam. And green tea. And lemony vinegar.

Stuffed in my cooler:
Meal two: pile o' Romaine, 3.5 ounces chicken, and a tomato salad with the other of those delicious home-grown tomatoes -- tomato, Vidalia onion, a lot of fresh basil, balsamic vinegar and lemony fish oil. Fish oil's rumoured to be the very best promoter of fat-burning; I only wish I liked it as well as Udo's.

Meal three: ratatouille, and a cocoa oatcake.

Meal four: tuna salad with tofu mayo and dill, and a bunch of zucchini and pepper sticks with The Sauce that Shall Not Be Named for dipping.

This morning, we did 5K round the cemetery again. It thundered and poured rain all night, and when we started out, there were still occasional flashes of lightning. Then the clouds began to lift, revealing the nearly-full moon. Beautiful. It's now clear, coolish and sunny.

The run felt "hard"; I wasn't in the mood, and damp makes my knee puffy inside. But when we were done, our time was 21:42, which startled me -- that's near, or perhaps better than, my best 5K race time. Though when I think about it, I usually start off in mid-pack for a race (so as not to get trampled by the real speedsters) and spend the first third fighting my way past the running-and-gabbing clumps, and the overambitious folk who end up walking the race -- then putting on the heat for the last bit. It wipes me out a lot more, but I suppose keeping a steady pace is actually more efficient.

I always think, though, on days like these, that running in the cemetery is terribly convenient; if I drop over, I can just be rolled into a mausoleum and left. No fuss, no muss.

Encouraging the Polish moustache
I recently read some stuff about testosterone and women -- most notably, that low testosterone can be responsible for a lot of cases of depression.

We have, in our cupboard o' supplements, a large bottle of something called ZMA, "the patented abbreviation for Zinc-monomethionine-aspartate, a mixture of 30 mg of the above mentioned mineral, 450 mg of magnesium aspartate and 10.5 mg of Vitamin B6 (pyrodoxine)."

This is reputed to be (and not just in hyperbolic muscle magazine ads) a very good testosterone potentiator.

I would not be at all surprised to find that I am low in testosterone (yes, women have testosterone too). All of my other natural hormones are pretty much non-existent.

So, I am taking ZMA. Two capsules before bed. A. tried it, but found it gave him bad dreams. I've been taking it for the last four nights. It doesn't give me bad dreams, but I do dream -- for the last few years, I haven't been remembering many dreams. And I sleep very well, and wake up feeling pleasantly rested (as opposed to cranky, creaky, and generally as though the whole period in bed had been a big waste of time).

I figure, too, that at this particular point, a bit of extra testosterone will probably assist with my goals of muscular buffness -- and as for a few extra chin hairs...

... sigh...

they'll never be noticed, clustered amongst their many wiry little friends. Family curse. I tell you, I am not a high-maintenance woman, but I couldn't live without this.