Not quite awake
Today's weight: 128 pounds again. Temperature: 97.5?F.

I forgot to set my alarm clock last night. So I didn't get up until after six -- ugh. No cardio this morning, which sucks. I've got an osteopathy/massage appointment this afternoon, so I have to rush through my lifting, and won't have time for cardio then, either.

And I feel as though I'm still asleep.

Food so far:
Cup egg sub with salsa and extra hot sauce; oatmeal pancakes (1/3 cup ground oatmeal, baking powder, vanilla, a bit of the egg sub, 1/4 cup soymilk) with sugar free jam or syrup.

Cup egg sub made into Italian-style frittata with spinach, roasted pepper, garlic and tablespoon flax.

Couple scoops of red cabbage braise with 2.75 oz chicken, extra hot sauce; 1/3 cup (dry measure) barley, cooked, with caramel sugar-free syrup and butter sprinkles.

Yeah, I bought another cabbage. Heck, they were under a dollar, which is less than Romaine lettuce. Braised it up last night, but I don't think it turned out as well as the last. (And it was somewhat larger, so there is a lot more of this batch.) Sigh. I see myself falling into the Rut. Eat the same things every day, it's easy... which is good in some ways, makes it simple to get the ratios. Dear knows, that's what everyone else precontest does.

However, I know that at some unspecified point in the future I will rebel. I won't be able to swallow a single morsel of braised cabbage, or spaghetti squash frittata -- and I'll be so mired in my patterns I'll be unable to think at all of what else there is to eat. What do other people eat? I don't know! What can I eat? I don't know! I'm gonna staaaaarve!

Then, it's a crisis.

Right now, though, it's a timesaver.

The Lion does cardio
Double cardio today: forty-five minutes going up and down and up and down and sometimes round when I got bored, on my Reebok Step whilst watching The Lion in Winter.

A bit of an uneven rendition; Patrick Stewart and Glenn Close very vivid for the most part (though Glenn took it a bit over the top at times), but the supporting cast sometimes behaved as though they were reading lines they'd never before seen in their lives off a teleprompter. Nice set and costumes, though.

Not particularly uplifting. "Think of the worst holiday with relatives you've ever had. Hm. What would be the worst holiday -- oo! What about when Eleanor of Aquitaine would come for Christmas with Henry and the kids?"

Eaten: 1466 calories, 161g protein, 112g carbs (33g fibre), 37g fat, 739mg sodium.

Consisting of (in addition to foods already noted), first, a salad with 3 ounces chicken and tofu/balsamic dressing and a quarter cup of edamame, followed by flax fibre/sugarfree syrup pseudodessert, and second, a large pile of broccoli with teriyaki stuff, another three ounces chicken oven-fried with nutritional yeast, more tofu mayo for dipping, and another pseudodessert of Jello pudding powder, a tablespoon peanut butter (bad me, it should've been a teaspoon but I was hungry) mixed with soymilk.

Oh, and Kool-Aid. I remember Kool-Aid. When we were children, it was "juice", and we each had our own cup, Tupperware in different colours. I was going to buy Crystal Light, but it is $2.35 a package. I am currently too poor to afford Crystal Light. Kool-Aid, on the other hand, is a mere 35 cents, and I can put a little scoop of it in a glass with some stevia powder and water, and presto! instant kid drink.

I started with the Grape. My favourite!

The Chariot

"In readings, the Chariot often appears when hard control is or could be in evidence. At its best, hard control is not brutal, but firm and direct. It is backed up by a strong will and great confidence. The Chariot can mean self-control or control of the environment. This card also represents victory. There are many types of wins; the Chariot's is of the win-lose type. Your success comes from beating the competition to become number one. Such moments are glorious in the right circumstances."
--Joan Bunning

Strange weather
Today's weight: 128 pounds. Temperature: 97.8?F.

It's been bloody cold and bizarrely autumnal the last couple of weeks. Not that I am particularly a fan of the typical hot, sticky Southern Ontario summer... but still, I'd like to have some sort of a summer in between snows. I think I've worn shorts (other than to work out) for maybe six or seven days total since May.

This morning at 5A, when we headed out with the dog to run round the cemetery, it was warm and damp -- a huge change. Nights of late have been dropping into the 10?C range. (Yes, I know. Body temperature is Fahrenheit, outside temperature is Celsius. Weight is in pounds, water is in litres. Height is in inches, distance to Toronto is kilometres. What can I say -- I was going to school just as they were making the switch over to metric, and my head is a mishmash of measurement units.)

Off we went, and I think I was halfway done my first round (I did three -- about 5K) when all of a sudden, the temperature dropped at least ten degrees, and a cold wind began to blow.

Even with the dog, that is no fun when you are running in the cemetery. Dry leaves pursue you down the paths... skitterskitterskitter... branches toss against the dark sky (Rosy-fingered Dawn wasn't even stirring until six-thirty or so, when we were already home.)... the dog vanishes among the stones, then reappears suddenly under your feet. I have, methinks, an overactive imagination.

Today's eating:
Meal one: 1/4 cup 8-grain cereal, cooked up, mixed with almond syrup and a handful of frozen blueberries; omelette of half a cup egg sub, half a can of tuna, Pindjur spread. Mug of coffee, just because.

Meal two: frittata of the other half can tuna and half cup egg sub, with onions, frozen peppers, flaxseed and salsa.

Meal three: last of the braised red cabbage (too bad, that was the best batch yet) with 3 oz. chicken and hot sauce; 4 oz sweet potato nuked and mashed up with English Caramel sugar-free syrup, a bit of soymilk and some butter sprinkles.

Right now, drinking water. I should drink more water.

Oh, and Hugh MacLeod of gapingvoid has been writing some really interesting things about creativity lately. Some of it is a bit crabby, and some of it self-indulgent, but a lot of it is very thought-provoking to frustrated creatives like myself. Sadly, I think I am currently a watercoolie. I need one of those pointy Chinese peasant hats for the full effect... woven out of the minutes of boring meetings.

Oh, and the other stuff
Total calories: 1342. 140g protein, 111g carbs (24g fibre), 28g fat. 826mg sodium.

Back (and the rest of me) to the gym
I did, finally, make it down there, yes. Not right away, though; A. came home, and I dithered, and then it was time to eat again. Zucchini/soy protein pancakes, and fancy canned wild salmon, to the cats' great joy. It's very tasty salmon, but it's packed in slices of salmon... right through, bones, skin, and all. I can't quite bring myself to crunch up salmon vertebrae, or let slithery salmon skin slide down my gullet, so there's a goodly quarter of a can's worth of cat nummies when I'm done picking out the oogies. Some Pindjur spread on top, and a flax fibre/sugar-free syrup dessert substitute.

Then it was time for Back, Traps and Calves. Still Shock Week.

Superset:
Pullover
WU 10lb plate x6
Work 35lb DB x12, 9
WG Pulldown
WU 40lbs x6
Work 70lbs x12, 11
Notes: I did not raise the weight, but intended to raise the reps, from 8-10 to 10-12. As you can see, not entirely successful. I don't know what happened with the pullovers. I used to hate these, then I seemed to get the trick of them, then second set today I hated them again, and nearly somehow dropped the weight in my face because I appeared to have forgotten the mechanics of the lift.

Superset:
Stiff-Arm Pulldown
WU 10lb x6
Work 30lb x9, 9
T-Bar Row (Olympic bar)
WU 25lb x6
Work 50lb x10, 10
Notes: Pulldown suffered from the same strange difficulty as the Pullover. Perhaps they use the same buncha back muscles, and those muscles have gone on strike for some reason? The T-Row weight is just the plates; since one end of the bar is braced in the corner of the wall and floor for these, one is obviously not lifting the whole weight of the bar. I like these.

Dropset: Seated Cable Row, V-handle
95lbs x5 lousy
85lbs x6
75lbs x6
65lbs x11
Notes: I despaired on these. After the flops in the previous two sets, I couldn't even pull the same 85 pounds I did last time! I strained, and strained, and managed to yank out five really pathetic sort-of reps. Then I counted the plates. Hah. Yes. Oops. It WAS too heavy, and they weren't full range of motion, but it was not so dreadful as I'd thought.

Superset:
CG Upright Row (rope handle)
Work: 30lbs 2x10
DB Shrug
Work 55lb DB 2x10
Notes: Oh, gosh, how much more my shoulders and wrists love that rope handle!

Standing Single-Leg Calf Raise
55lb DB xL15/R15

Then A. and I went out with the dog and his new telescopic leash to the park. As it turns out the telescopic leash doesn't make it any easier to run with Onyx (he tends to run out to the limit unexpectedly, and the extra length just means he gains more momentum -- plus the handle of the thing must weigh at least an awkward pound and a half or so). So A. wandered round with him, while I ran twice round the ring road. Then Onyx was tired and hot, so we took him up to the water fountain. A. cupped water in his hands for the dog (very sweet and affecting!) -- then Onyx spied a puddle. A mud puddle. And leapt in it, and rolled, and rolled, and rolled... I've never seen a dog wallow before.

We then had to take him by the fancy condominiums on the way home, so that he could swim in their fancy waterfall fountain and wash off the crusted muck. What a dog.

Post-workout meal: protein shake with chocolate syrup, and pancakes made with 1/4 cup ground oatmeal, baking powder, vanilla extract, 2T egg white, and a quarter cup of soymilk. With sugar-free jam.

I am woebegone. The store that used to carry the Mori-Nu soft tofu (base of all my staple creams and mayos and things) no longer does. Yes. Argh.

And Grishilde has just been to the garage, where she has cost us one helluva lot of money. New timing belt, new cam something or other, new engine mounts... She'd better not be leaking oil any more.

I don't think I like that garage. She will not be going back there.

Low
I'm having a bad day. Is this worth it? A. doesn't think so; he's quite breezy with abandoning the whole competition.

I'm not. But I'm not doing it for the competition. I'm doing it to prove to myself that...
- I will not get fat
- If I gain weight, I can lose it again
- I am in control of my own body
- I don't need to live on the Spartan regime of self-starvation all the time to maintain

And this time 'round, I'm proving none of that. I am afraid.

It's quite obvious that unless something miraculous occurs, I am not going to be comp-ready by the first week of November.

But I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Am I eating too much? Too little? Should I be having nothing but naked chicken breasts and fibrous vegetables? Is it really not possible to do this "right" and like any of what you eat? That didn't seem to be the case the last time... but I didn't get it quite right the last time. Now, even the things I thought I knew don't work.

It's too soon to say that. It is too soon. And instead of ranting here, I should be in the gym, working out.

I hate myself. I want answers, I want results, and I want 'em now. Unrealistic.

Under the weather
It's raining. My head still feels yeuch. And Bad Bad Things, on a large scale (nothing to do with me personally) are happening at work... again.

Today's weight: 129.5 pounds. Temperature: 97.6?F. Now begins the "up.... down" of dietary cycling.

Breakfast: 1/3 cup dry measure barley, cooked up with some sugar-free gingerbread syrup, with 2 tablespoons soymilk; one cup scrambled egg sub with the Sauce that Shall Not Be Named.

Meal two: spaghetti squash frittata with flaxseed, tofu mayo, pancake syrup.

Meal three: braised red cabbage, two ounces of chicken, half an oatcake (the last of the dry ones, phew) with Jello pudding stuff on top.

Runnin' by night
On the right night, it's a glorious thing. And this was a good night: coolish, a light breeze, the first sniffs of fall woodsmoke on the air. A. and I went down the rail trail, then back up through the roads. He had to stop and walk three times, and was all a-flap about that -- "I suck! I totally suck!"

"C'mon," I said, "do you think you can undo a year of indolence and Reese Bites in a month?"

He stuck out his lip. "Yes!" he said.

So. Twenty-six-minute run, probably about 4.5 km or so.

Preceded by Abs. It is still Shock Week: tempo 313/101, minimal rest.

Superset:
Cable Crunches
40lbs 2x15
Hip Raises
b/w 2x15

Superset:
Bicycle crunches
b/w 2x15/side
Hanging knee raises
b/w 2x15

Weighted Crunch on Swiss ball
35lbs 2x10, 45lbs x10

And all of that followed by my reward: a cup of Kashi Crunch cereal, with an unflavoured whey protein shake poured on top. Mm. I love Kashi Crunch. Better'n DQ.

Yes, today is the first High Carb day. Total: 1822 calories. 194g protein, 200g carbs (44g fibre), 28g fat. And, incidentally, under 1000mg sodium, which means I am on track there as well.

Meal four was sweet potato pancakes (4oz sweet potato, grated, with a tablespoon of soy protein powder and some grated onion, "fried" up the usual way) with some of that leftover paprika mushroom sauce and 3 ounces chicken.

Meal five was 1/3 cup (dry measure) cooked barley flakes, with another 3 oz chicken, ginger juice, a crushed clove of garlic, a dash of Bragg's Aminos and some green onion, plus a small pile of broccoli with more Braggs and a sprinkle of gomasio.

My brain feels a bit better, though still a bit fragile there inside the skull.

I've been reading The Moon of Gomrath, sequel to The Weirdstone of Brisingamen.

Weights
EZ Curl bar: 15.5 pounds
Short Olympic bar: 29.5 pounds